Toph's Avalot
by Yazu Katara and Toph Attack
Summary: The Avatar cast sings Spamalot! Zutara and Sokkaang if you squint. Written when Namine was Toph Monster. That name will rest in peace. R&R please. [Namine]
1. His Name is Lancelot

**A/N: I hate making fun of—Wait… did you say Sokka? Never mind! Spamalot to Avatar… FUNNY! Script form, don't sue! I don't own Avatar or Spamalot, sadly.**

Aang:   
Lancelot you might as well just fess up  
Really you're a different kind of guy  
Move aside your scabbard  
For underneath your tabard  
There is waiting to escape a butterfly

Zuko, Haru, Aang and Jet:  
His...name...is Lancelot  
And in tight pants a lot  
He likes to dance a lot  
You know you do

Sokka: I do?

Zuko, Haru, Aang and Jet:  
So just say thanks a lot  
And try romance, it's hot!  
Let's find out who's really you.  
His name is Lancelot  
He visits France a lot  
He likes to dance a lot and dream  
No one would ever know  
That this outrageous pro  
Bats for the other team.

Aang:  
You're a knight who really likes his night life  
And by day you really like to play  
You can all find him pumping at the gym  
At the Camelot Y.M.C.A.!

Zuko, Haru, Aang and Jet:  
His name is Lancelot  
Katara, Toph, Mai and Ty Lee:

La, la, la  
Zuko, Haru, Aang and Jet:

Just watch him dance a lot  
Katara, Toph, Mai and Ty Lee:

La, la, la  
Zuko, Haru, Aang and Jet:

He doesn't care what people say  
Katara, Toph, Mai and Ty Lee:

La, la, la

Sokka: No Way!

Zuko, Haru, Aang and Jet:  
For when he starts to dance  
Katara, Toph, Mai and Ty Lee:

La, la, la  
Zuko, Haru, Aang and Jet:

Just grab your underpants  
Katara, Toph, Mai and Ty Lee:

La, la, la

Aang:  
He can finally come out and say that he is G.A.

All: Y.M.C.A.

All: He's Gay!

Sokka: Ok!

**A/N: Oh… this is only the first. (giggles maniacally.)**

**Toph**


	2. Once In Every Show

**A/N: Heh heh… now we make fun of Zuko and Katara. I don't own Avatar or Spamalot. You would know if I owned Avatar (Hint: these song would be featured.) Zuko and Katara are so gonna KILL me when they find this! (runs off giggling maniacally.)**

Zuko: Once in every show  
There comes a song like this  
It starts off soft and low  
And ends up with a kiss  
Oh where is the song  
That goes like this?  
Where is it? Where? Where?

Katara: A sentimental song  
That casts a magic spell  
They all will hum along  
We'll overact like hell  
For this is the song that goes like this  
Zuko: Yes it is!

Katara: Yes it is!

Zuko: Now we can go straight  
Right down the middle eight  
A bridge that is too far for me

Katara: I'll sing it in your face  
While we both embrace  
And then  
We change  
The key

Zuko: (squeaky like) Now we're into E!  
hem That's awfully high for me  
Katara: But as everyone can see  
We should have stayed in D  
Both: For this is our song that goes like this!

Zuko: I'm feeling very proud  
Katara: You're singing far too loud  
Zuko: That's the way that this song goes  
Katara: You're standing on my toes  
Both: Singing our song that goes like this!

Katara: I can't believe there's more  
Zuko: It's far too long, I'm sure  
Katara: That's the trouble with this song  
It goes on and on and on  
Both: For this is our song that is too long!

Katara: We'll be singing this til dawn  
Zuko: You'll wish that you weren't born  
Katara: Let's stop this damn refrain  
Before we go insane  
Both: For this is our song that ends like this!

**A/N: Go ahead and say it, I'm dead. Come on. I can handle it.**

**Toph**


	3. He's Not Dead Yet

**A/N: I'm on a roll! And again, I don't own Avatar or Spamalot. There's one more after this one, and I'm done. I swear.**

Aang and the other Airbenders:  
Sacrosanctus Domine (wack)  
Pecavi ignoviunt (wack)  
Iuesus Christus Domine (wack)  
Pax vobiscum venerunt (wack)

Haru:  
Bring out your dead! Bring out your dead!

Sokka:  
Here's one.

Aang:  
I'm not dead!

Haru:  
Here, he says he's not dead!

Sokka:   
Yes, he is.

Aang:  
I feel happy. I feel happy.   
(singing)  
I am not dead yet  
I can dance and I can sing  
I am not dead yet  
I can do the highland fling  
I am not dead yet  
No need to go to bed  
No need to call the doctor  
'Cos I'm not yet dead

Aang, Toph, Mai, Ty Lee, Katara, Kanna, Iroh and Zuko:  
He is not yet dead  
That's what the geezer said  
Oh, he's not yet dead  
That man is off his head  
He is not yet dead  
Put him back in bed  
Keep him off the cart because he's not yet dead

(Sokka hits Dakota on the head with his boomerang. Dakota falls over.

Aang, Toph, Mai, Ty Lee, Katara, Kanna, Iroh and Zuko:  
Well now he's dad  
You whacked him on the head  
Sure now he's dead  
It makes me just see red  
You are such a brute  
To murder that old coot  
You homicidal bastard, now he's really dead  
Who is the knave who put him in his grave  
And who needs to manage his anger?

Sokka:  
My name is Lancelot  
I'm big and strong and hot  
Occasionally I do  
Some things that I should not

Haru:  
I want to be a knight  
But I don't like to fight  
I'm rather scared I may  
Just simply run away

Sokka:  
I'll be right with you  
Robin through and through and through  
So stick with me and I'll show you what to do

Haru:  
We'll remain good chums  
You can teach me how to dance

Both:  
We're going to enlist

Haru:  
I'm Robin

Sokka:  
And I'm Lance

All:  
Oh we're off to war  
Because we're not yet dead  
We will all enlist  
As the Knights that Arthur led

Aang:   
I am coming too  
My name will be Sir Fred  
I'll be your musician  
Cos I'm not yet dead

All:  
Oh we're not dead yet  
To Camelot we go  
To enlist instead  
To try and earn some dough  
And so although  
We should have stayed in bed  
We're going off to war  
Because we're not yet dead

Sokka:  
To kill  
I will  
It gives me such a thrill

Haru:  
To sing  
And dance  
And keep an eye on Lance

All:  
We're going off to war  
We'll have girlfriends by the score

Aang:  
We'll be shot by Michael Moore

All:  
Because we're not yet dead

**A/N: Poor Aang, getting hit on the head like that. Ah! The fangirls! (runs off laughing maniacally as torches and pitchforks and frying pans are being thrown at her.)**

**Toph**


	4. All For One

**A/N: Last one! I don't own… ANY OF THIS! Just the idea, which you will not touch without my permission.**

**Some Guy: Message for you, ma'am.**

**(takes piece of paper) (reading out loud) **   
**And so, King Arthur gathered his Knights together,  
bringing from all the corners of the Kingdom the strongest and bravest in  
the land to sit at the Round Table.  
The strangely flatulent Sir Bedevere, (Jet waves)  
the dashingly handsome Sir Galahad, (Aang waves) the homicidally brave Sir Lancelot, (Sokka grunts)  
Sir Robin the Not-quite-so-brave-as-Sir-Lancelot,  
who slew the vicious Chicken of Bristol and who  
personally wet himself at the Battle of Badon Hill. (Haru waves)  
And the aptly named Sir Not-appearing-in-this-show. (Lord Ozai looks up from his… battle plans)**

Lord Ozai:  
Sorry.**(Toph continues reading, wide-eyed)** **Together they formed a band whose names   
and deeds were to be retold throughout the Centuries...  
The Knights of the Round Table.**

Knights:  
All for one  
One for all  
All for one  
And one for all

Jet:  
Some for some

Aang:  
None for none

Haru:  
Slightly less for people we don't like

Sokka:  
And a little bit more for me

Knights:  
All round this Blightly land  
We are his mighty band  
Oooo  
King Arthur's strongest knights  
We are prepared to fight  
Whoooo-ever  
All for one  
Two for all  
All for some  
And free for all!

**A/N: YAY! IT'S DONE! (Avatar cast is looking at her with glares on their faces.) (Toph gulps) I knew I was gonna get it one of this day. (She starts running.) MOMMY!**

**Toph**


	5. Finland

**A/N: HA! Gotcha! Just needed some sleep is all, BUT THE MADNESS IS BACK! (Avatar cast groans, all are tied up with chains and gags that taste like cheese.) I'll untie you guys as soon as the disclaimer is done… and don't try anything different, 'cause I know shock therapy. I don't own Avatar or Spamalot. I swear.**

All:   
Finland, Finland, Finland  
That's the country for me!

(VARIOUS ANIMAL NOISES)

Iroh:  
Finland is the country where we dance  
Finland is the country where we play  
Here in Finland boy and girl can find a true romance  
In traditional Scandinavian vay!

All:  
Schlip! Schlap!

Iroh:  
Schlip-a-schlap-a vay

All:  
Schlip! Schlap!

Iroh:  
Schlap away all day

All:  
Schlip! Schlap!

Iroh:  
You simply can't go wrong  
Vith traditional fish-schlapping song

All:  
Finland, Finland, Finland

Zuko, Aang, Sokka and Iroh:  
The country where I quite want to be

Katara:  
Pony trekking-

Toph:  
Or camping-

All:  
Or just watching TV  
Finland, Finland, Finland  
That's the country for me

**I said, 'Enlgalnd'.**

All(spoken in tandem):  
What? Oh, sorry, sorry about that

**A/N: I like torturing--(hem) -- making the Avatar cast sing.**


	6. Brave Sir Robin

**A/N: And I'm STILL not done. And I don't own Spamalot or Avatar. If I owned either of them I wouldn't be here, right?**

Toph: Bravely bold Sir Robin rode forth from Camelot.  
He was not afraid to die,  
O brave Sir Robin.  
He was not at all afraid to be killed in nasty ways,  
Brave, brave, brave, brave Sir Robin!

He was not in the least bit scared to be mashed into a pulp,  
Or to have his eyes gouged out and his elbows broken,  
To have his kneecaps split and his body burned away  
And his limbs all hacked and mangled, brave Sir Robin!

His head smashed in and his heart cut out  
And his liver removed and his bowels unplugged  
And his nostrils raped and his bottom burned off  
And his pen--

Haru: That's... that's... er... enough music for now lads.  
Looks like there's dirty work afoot.


	7. Twice In Every Show

**A/N: I'm not sure if this is the ending.**

**Zuko: Please be the ending, woman, you're killing us.**

**I'll be doing worst than that is you don't.**

**Zuko: Ah god!**

**I don't own Avatar or Spamalot. If I did, then the world would have ended by now.**

Katara:  
But you're not alone, Arthur!  
Haven't you noticed?  
I've been with you all the time!  
Who gave you the sword?  
Who made you king?  
Who helped you find the quest?  
Sure, I've been offstage for far too long  
But, we had that great lounge number in Act One.  
And, oh! We do scat great together!  
No, no, I'm no Patsy But I am here to help you  
And I always have been!

Zuko:  
And you really want me?

Katara:  
More than ever!

Both:  
Twice in every show!  
There comes a song like this!  
It starts off soft and low  
And ends up with a kiss.  
Oh, this is the scene  
That ends like this.

Katara:  
Find the grail, Arthur!  
And when you do,  
I'll be there  
Waiting for you!  
Goodbye!  
Goodbye!  
Goodbye!

**A/N: I am not done yet! I can dance and I can sing I am not done yet I can… Oh bother.**

**Toph**


	8. Act II Finale AKA Marriages GALORE!

**A/N: Now it's the end. And a good ending it was. I don't own either of these shows, just the idea and the wedding dresses.**

Zuko:  
Lady, will you marry me?

Katara:  
I thought you'd never ask.

(Scene changes to the Vegas Drive-Up Wedding Chapel  
and Mai, Ty Lee, Toph, and Azula enter in short Wedding Dresses

Girls:  
We are not yet wed  
And we're nearly at the end  
It is time that we  
Went and found a friend  
Is there someone who  
Can help us in out quest?  
We're already dressed  
Although we're not yet wed.

(Enter Haru, Jet, Hahn and Longshot with top hats and tails.)

Men:  
We are not yet dead  
That's the best thing to be said  
We are not yet dead  
So we might as well get wed  
Could it be much worse  
Is marriage such a curse?  
Might as well get married  
Cos we are not yet wed

(Wedding Match.  
Enter Sokka and Aang married. In great fasions.)

Aang:  
So you see it's all a show, happy ending and all  
And that just makes me want to sing…

(They all look for Lord Ozai but he doesn't come on so Herbert starts to sing…)

Aang:  
When you're lost  
On life's trail  
And you feel doomed to fail  
Do not fail  
Find Your Male  
Find Your Male  
That's your Grail

Sokka:  
Just think Herbert, in a thousand years time this will still be controversial.

(Enter Haru (again), suitably dressed in white tie and tails.)

Haru:  
And I too have found my grail.

All:  
What's that?

Haru:  
Musical Theatre!  
(singing)  
You can sing  
You can dance  
And you won't soil your pants  
In your white tie and tail  
Find your Grail  
Find your Grail

All:  
Hallelujah a Broadway wedding!

(Enter Zuko and Katara married. Katara is in a gorgeous wedding gown. **A/N: And I'll be wanting that back…**)

Zuko and Katara:  
So be strong

All:  
Here comes the bride

Zuko and Katara:  
Keep right on.

All:  
Here comes the groom

Zuko and Katara:  
To the end of your song

All:  
Hallelujah

Katara:  
Do not fail  
Find your Male

Zuko:  
Dressed in 'mail'  
Find your Grail

All:  
Sing Hallelujah they've found their grail.

Zuko:  
Life is really up to you  
You must choose what to pursue

All:  
A Broadway wedding

Katara:  
Set your mind on what to find  
And there's nothing you can't do

All:  
Go and find your grail

Zuko and Katara:  
So keep right to the end  
You'll find your goal my friend

All:  
Find you friend!  
Then the prize you won't fail  
Find your Grail  
Find your Grail!

Ozai:  
Stop that. Stop that. Stop it! No more bloody singing…

(Sokka whacks him on the head)

All:  
For this is the Show that ends like this!

**A/N: Okay… everybody has to get out of they're clothes and… (she sees the Avatar glaring at her and she gulps.) then I'm gonna die. (starts running) IT WAS WORTH IT!!!**

**Later:**

**(pants) They won't find me here. I am safe in my own house… with locks on the doors and windows, of course.**

**Hee hee, Sokka and Aang got married. Zuko and Katara got married, and I think it was Haru and Toph, Ty Lee and Hahn, Jet and Mai, and then Longshot and Azula. Don't worry, they didn't ACTUALLY get married… it was ALL A SHOW. People, get it through your heads. **

**(she pauses.) I hear them… EVERYBODY QUIET!**

**Toph**


End file.
